Life Itself

"It is the set of the sails, not the direction of the wind
that determines which way we will go." - Jim Rohn 

It's been a couple of months since I made a very important decision. Life has a way of shaking things up or pushing you beyond yourself. If you listen hard enough and make a conscious decision to listen to the energy or the "still small voice" deep within your soul. You'll find your way - Believe me.

Venetia Reddy @venetiareddy

About a few months ago, I went through one of the worst and best experiences of my life. Something that eradicated "everything that was not me" and pulled me back into "everything I was." That's the beauty of life. Sometimes when you can't make important decisions by yourself, you're placed in a situation where you have to make a decision - ultimately to either grow or die. You get to choose who you want to be, what you want and exactly when you want it. There is nothing holding you back and you later bear the consequences or the fruitfulness of the decisions that you make.


I admire my Dad, it's his birthday today - and I'm so proud to call him my Father. I have been blessed to have both my folk guide me and support me through every step of my journey. 

(A recent picture of my folks on their trip to the Portuguese Islands)

At times, I was blind. I lost sight of who they were, as people of God - because I was so caught up in the wrong things, trying to please the wrong people (who were nothing but energy-drainers). I almost forgot to treasure the people that really do love me. Family is important. We all have our bad days, but we must still make it our first priority to love within the "four walls" before we try to love outside them. I don't mean to love with the things we say, but in the way we act and most importantly, in the small things left unsaid. People of value and character are extremely important. They are the gems of humanity. My Dad is a man of integrity and if you haven't met him, I really hope you do. He's one of the wisest, most loving, caring and inspirational men I've ever come across and I will forever treasure him and my mother - I pray that I can live up to the standard that both of them have set. They are both a true reflection of God.

At 16, I sacrificed a lot to get to a stage of balance so that I could be the most balanced 16 year old alive. I was extremely disciplined and dedicated. I didn't text on my phone as much as I do now. I made sure my studies came first - I didn't watch television either 😀 I came home to a mom and dad that cherished me, invested in me. I was in a good church that I was actively involved in, as part of the Worship and Music team (my parents were also always involved in ministry and I somewhat followed in their footsteps). I lived a good life, I was brought up in a good home (Click on #theroadtosuccess video clip above to see a little flashback) - Everyone that knew us as a family, always had something good to say, well (most of them). I was prophesied over and I walked in that light, stayed on track, remained focused and was slowly achieving my goals. After I matriculated with 7 distinctions, I decided to get out into the working-world. I began my law degree, and that's when things got tough, I decided to go the "work/study route," and I landed my first job at a call centre.

That was short-lived. I stayed for three months, earned a little bit of money and decided to quit. I met some talented agents there, some people had an impeccable gift to be in this kind of industry, I on the other hand was not cut out for it. I met some very unique individuals. I was never exposed to any environment outside my comfort zone, I grew up quiet shielded. This environment was foreign to me.

I generally didn't have much knowledge of life itself and I was extremely naive at 19. I had this fairy-tale-like reality. I thought everyone deserved a seat at your table. I believed that everyone appreciated and valued you as a person. I felt that aggressive people needed a little more love, attention and care than everyone else because you know how the saying goes, "Hurting people, hurt people." In general, I lived under the impression that there was a certain level of humanity or care that seemed a basic rule of thumb to life. I've always been a hopeful, one to see and believe the best in everyone, to envision their potential.

Dear 19 year old, there are three quotes that you should hold dear to your heart:

1.  "Birds of a feather, flock together."
2.  "Do not get side-tracked by those who  are off-track.
3.  "Protect your peace." 

I'll go into further depth...

I grew up a very knowledgeable, grounded and mature individual, I had been surrounded by thousands of people with problems, human nature I guess, however I've been reminded recently that human nature should never be used as an excuse to limit ourselves. We are also powerful beyond measure. Growing up in the ministry, as a Pastors Kid specifically, I witnessed dysfunction, but never really experienced it first-hand. My parents counselled so many people on a daily basis teaching them on how to live, stay together, move forward, take care of their kids. Thinking back, there were some incidents that I won't ever understand. To a certain extent - overhearing such stories, or being involved and exposed to an environment of this nature can be quite hectic, there's always challenges - even in the "best of environments."

Don't be fooled into believing that everyone is for you, hardly. I watched my parents give their entire lives to serving others and that isn't easy - It can take a toll on you. I saw my parents swim oceans for people who probably wouldn't even skip a puddle for them. Having known this, it can sometimes stir up resentment towards your faith, especially if you don't keep, "The main thing, the main thing." It's both challenging and rewarding growing up in a home of this sort, something not many people will understand but they don't need to. I've learnt to rely on God at all times and to turn people to him as well. It is not our job to carry the weight of the world, it's our job to direct people to the throne room, and to encourage them to cast their cares upon that whom can give them peace and rest - to not lean on their own understanding but to trust in him.

There were so many people I had crossed paths with. Some needed advice which they got, but their stories never changed, neither did their lives, too stuck in their ways to actually move forward - breathe fresher air. Comfort was nice, even at the cost of their souls or values. I didn't understand it and never could - I always questioned my Dad. People knew what was right, but couldn't find common ground, didn't listen or even follow through with the advice that they needed in the first place, only to eventually lose everything, and end up being even more unsatisfied and unfulfilled.

Before my Grandfather passed away, four years ago, after I had quit my first job. I stayed in his hospital room to make sure he was given everything he needed.  He said, "People will tell you all sorts of things, don't let them distract you. They will tell you how to act and what they think of you, but listen to what's inside. Be who you are."

I miss him. He was a rough man with a gruff voice and a bald head. A very direct individual who earned an honest living and took care of his family the best he knew how. He was also a brilliant violinist who played professionally and a classical music lover.

Whenever I visited him, he always had so much to tell me, endless stories about his favourite programs that he occupied himself with. I listened carefully. He was blunt yet displayed a deep sense of care. When his time on earth drew to a close, he became very fragile, he could barely eat or speak. He told all the nurses present that day what a great singer I was and the day before he passed on, he asked me to sing "Amazing Grace" for him, which I did. https://soundcloud.com/venetiareddy

My Grandmother couldn't bare the pain, she relied on him for a very long time. She had no identity or real purpose of her own. She stayed with me for  6 months or so. There were times when she would barge into my room only to burst into tears whilst I was studying. It hurt me, but such was life. I wondered when she would get over it, I don't think she has. I started at a new job mid-year as a part-time daycare teacher, I continued with my first-year studies during this time and worked hard.

The next three years, seemed a blur. Almost like it never happened, but during this time, I learnt invaluable lessons. Took risks, made choices, got burnt, fell, rose and kept going.  I made extremely important decisions, and learnt so much more about myself and the world around me. I won't go into too much detail but one day I will.

To sum it up, I had been in 3 horrible jobs, failed a couple of times, fed mouths that would soon judge me, entertained people that I thought loved me, gave up on my gifts, talents and neglected my calling, befriended people who were selfish, had fun with people I disliked, cried myself to sleep, tried to please people who wanted to see me fail. I lost friends, cut people off, and still tried to keep it all together. 

I guess I still looked happy? Honestly, I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. I was slowly deteriorating and those closest to me could see it. I slowly lost my patience, I couldn't concentrate, my vision was blurring, literally and figuratively.  I still maintained ties with people who did not invest in my well being, but wanted to stay connected to me. I broke myself down, my values, my beliefs to accommodate people who were already broken and who compromised on too many levels. That just led to more control and abuse.

People who refuse to change are usually controlled by opportunities. The worst kind of disloyalty. Even during my period of extreme confusion, doubt, and weakness - which no one could really see, especially those who weren't aware of the strength I had before my downhill slope. Who I was deep within - slowly started breaking. 

After three years of stress, dysfunctional chaos in my personal life. At the end of the third year,  I ended up for the first time being rushed to hospital, 3 times in two months. I could barely do anything for myself for a week, I was in extreme pain. I went in for surgery and within two weeks, I had to be on medication again.  I wasn't able to walk properly for a few weeks and during this time I had serious exams coming up. As soon as my exams were over, on the last month of that year came my final turning point.

I only remember snippets because it was not the best of experiences but I felt like God had brought me to a place of true repentance, that led me straight to the throne-room of his loving-kindness, which strengthened me to forgive those who had done me wrong. I finally let it all go. I had the privilege of having some Godly support from my family, colleagues, friends and a very special lady who guided me through it all. Looking back, I still think to myself that I guess it could have been worse. 

I had given so much of myself to people and things that did not value or even understand the true depth of love and dedication within me - something I was so freely dishing out. It took so much from me that I was on the verge of depletion and destruction. Whilst I thought I could save people, this time round I needed saving and there was no one I could rely on - But God. Even after my experience, I frantically searched for answers, but it was pointless. I accepted the reality of my situation and came to terms with some hard decisions I was forced to make. I'd somewhat already seen the light at the end of the tunnel again. 

It was hard. Slowly I began to break down all the fake realities I'd trapped myself in and began accepting things at face value. Actions started speaking louder than words. I understood that, "The fruit that a man bears defines who he ultimately is." I also needed to start again, readjust, refocus on the vision that God had called me to. When I was much younger, my parents would make both my brother and I say, "The Lord's Prayer," and repeat the fruit of the Spirit, being love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control - every single day before we went off to school so that we would remember who we were, and the characteristics and values that God wanted each of us to live by. I didn't see the value of it back then but I understand now, how important it was, something I will pass on to my kids someday in the future. 

I finally started getting rid of everything that was not good for me. At the end of my rope, with less of me, there was more of God. 

The funny thing is that in situations and times when you feel like you're not getting what you deserve, you should know - that you probably aren't. 

With the wrong people, you get stuck in a game of manipulation, yes - confused souls who are not purpose-driven, use manipulation to get what they want, and even when they eventually  do, there's more manipulation. They don't know what they want. They attempt to take knocks at your character, test it, turn it, then try to project their fears and whatever they're feeling onto you and if you're not quick on your feet and if you're struggling to make sense of your identity and what you stand for, they can drag you down in their confusion, anger, hurt and brokenness. The worst thing you can possibly do is play along. 

After all, people with no vision perish. Don't kill yourself along with them. This brings me to why and how it's so important, to guard your heart. You may hear it often, but it's really, really true. What you allow into your life can potentially destroy you. There's a life of abundance that awaits you, and I know this for a fact. As I look back, I'm so much more at peace, there's no doubt - just pure love. Life can sometimes break you and make you bitter, but we get to choose whether we stay broken or become whole and get better. 

We decide what's next, we don't have to stay defeated, we can reinvent ourselves and pursue the path that God has pre-designed for our future. I completely disconnected myself from anything dysfunctional.

Last Christmas, I was given the cutest little book from my aunt, which I've been journaling in for the past months. I'll share some of my thoughts as we go along.

Sometimes thoughts flood my mind, and I'm consumed with things I don't really want to be reminded of. Things that caused me great pain and hurt, but when I think back, the only regret I have is not taking more of a stand for what I believed in and what I valued and - NO - That doesn't make you difficult, it makes you who you are.

You can't control what happens to you or the intentions of others, or their behaviour. The only person you are responsible for, is you - and you should take care of that person. You also get to choose what to accept into your life.  I wouldn't know what I know now and that's what makes it my journey. I embrace everything, because only when we truly accept the reality of our situation or our decisions, even our mistakes, can we actually move forward and grow. The only way to actually move forward is to hold on to the purpose set before you, to give willingly without expecting anything in return.

Purpose and peace are the two things that keep you on your feet without getting your head stuck in the clouds.

I've been writing this over a period of time, and I trust that some of it has already set you free in your thinking. It's so easy to get caught up in a "hype" that you can forget to differentiate what's real and what isn't. A period of disconnection is thus so important, go into the woods - switch your cellphone off. Have time to mull over who you are, what you really want, so that you don't have to stress over the very same things. Get in touch with who you are as a person and love the sense of peace that it brings to your soul. The overwhelming thought that you can be who you are and not be judged for that, is beautiful.

Life is a journey, and we all have different paths - sometimes our paths will cross with others to help us understand more about ourselves. What we need and what we don't.  It's a process of constant growing and learning which makes life what it is - There's not a person on the planet that's perfect but there's also not a person on the planet that can help us decide what and who we are. We have the freedom to choose how we want to live our lives and that's the beauty of life itself.

Sometimes silence and actions speak far more than words ever could. In a world, where people seek opportunities and consistently neglect their inner voice, love is the one thing that remains. When I was younger, I always sang the famous Dion song, you can listen to it here -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDcuRgk-JEI, " It's a beautiful melody but thinking back on those words - if you're ever trying to understand in a literal sense what real love is, those exact words will help you balance things out. If not for yourself, then for another. To be a person that uses your voice, to help another speak - To be someones eyes, when they can't see, to show another faith when they have lost theirs and to be their strength when they're weak is the epitome of what you should expect and receive.

By all means, I don't meaning doing anything out of manipulation, duty or expectations placed on you - Ask yourself if what you are about to do is based on an ulterior motive, or maybe the things you say, is that out of pride? I believe in genuinely analysing yourself, doing abit of introspection - not just doing things because other people see it as right, but asking yourself if it is right for you. Do you have a genuine sense of peace about it? I call this having a continuous conversation with God, I call it living life with intention and not just for the sake of it.

You will most certainly come across people who are hurt and broken - who will try and stay connected to you, but will also try and ruin you. There will be energy-drainers who will play on your emotions, They will try and get you to react to their senseless arguments and when you do, flip that on you. These are people that protect themselves first and they really don't have the capacity to care for your soul. They will try and get you to sacrifice your morals and standards, or expectations to accommodate their behaviour. They will make it seem like there's something wrong with you or that they feel hard-done-by, only to judge you when you eventually do give in.

There will be people that will think that you are not good enough and that they are better than you.

There will be those that see you fading away, without knowing the tragedy or challenges you face and they will have an opinion of you instead of helping, guiding or praying for you. They will characterise you by the mistakes you make, but just know that, "You are NOT your mistakes."

There will also be those that will say "You've changed," when you no longer decide to feed their ego or allow them to take advantage of you.

There will be those that want to see you succeed but not more than them. They will envy you, inevitably want to be you.

But there will also be those whom you won't have to say much to, They will understand your silence and connect directly with your soul. Find your tribe and love them hard. Take care of them, be with those that value your presence - but continue to bring your share of value to the table too. Focus on being the best version of yourself. Love God, seek him first and conquer together.

Be considerate of others, don't judge another persons journey. Be sincere in all that you do and never allow anything to make you anything you aren't. Don't try to please anyone or prove yourself to anyone that can't see your worth. Arguments are cheap, don't participate. Don't feel guilty to leave behind people who aren't willing to grow with you. Reinvent yourself in loneliness, set TV and Internet limits. Cultivate your gifts, learn from your mistakes. 

You are not obligated to to be the same person you were the day before.We are all on a journey together. We will have good days and bad days, but keep your head up.
Fill yourself with love, purity, knowledge, health and wealth to help others live well too.

Start living. 

With love,

Venetia